Sacked homophobic Rugby Player full of regret. “Even though ‘Jesus Saves’, apparently he won’t pay my mortgage?!”

Popular Right Now, Sport
Sacked homophobic Rugby Player full of regret. Even though 'Jesus Saves', apparently he won't pay my mortgage?!

Devout Christian and Australian Rugby International Israel Folau, has been sacked by the Australian Rugby Union after last week posting an Instagram banner which stated that “”Drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolators – Hell awaits you.”

Yet the now unemployed Folau is said to be distraught at discovering that Jesus will not pay his mortgage. “I know for a fact he has got loads of money.” Said Mr Folau. It was up to the News Dump to point out that “Jesus saves” was meant in a spiritual sense rather than a financial one. This is the latest in a series of knocks to Folau’s unshakable faith which also include him discovering that his car won’t run on prayers; he’s unable to eat religious flavoured bigotry and that the Bible is mostly allegory and metaphor written by people in the Bronze Age with absolutely no understanding of the nuance and culture of the modern world.

Folau Claims that his message of hellfire which encompasses practically all of humankind is shared with love.

The fires of Hell will melt the sequins to your body as you gyrate to Kylie Minogue but he’s telling you this because he cares for you. All you have to do is deny your own nature, a nature surely preordained by God, as according to Folau he controls everything in the universe. This was pointed out to the notably compassion-less Christian who merely started to beat himself over the head with a leather bound bible while repeating the word “Repent”. It seems paradox and contradiction are nothing when you have blind faith and an inability to think for yourself on your side.

Folau then went on to claim that Notre-Dame Cathedral burning down because it’s situated in “Gay Paris” as evidence that he is right and that everyone else on the plant are heathen scum. Others may ask who wants to go to Heaven anyway if it’s full of dickheads like him and absolutely no Queen or Elton John music.

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