Ryanair threaten to ruin family holidays by flying every flight every day.

Business, Home Affairs
Ryanair threaten to ruin family holidays by flying every flight every day

Ryanair’s British pilot union is to ballot members on possible industrial action in coming weeks in a dispute over working conditions, the British Airline Pilots Association (BALPA) announced on Wednesday.

And whilst the impact of strike action is being considered, it seems the most effective way to damage Ryanair’s reputation is to fly every flight, every day ensuring all customers receive the ‘unique’ Ryanair experience.

BALPA General Secretary Brian Strutton said in a statement that no progress had been made in talks on issues including pensions, maternity benefits and “a fair, transparent, and consistent pay structure

“We looked at several options for industrial action against Ryanair and came to the conclusion that the only really effective method to threaten the customer base was to make them pay up to €40 for every checked in bag, €3 for a cup of instant coffee, €55 for an airport check-in, insist that hand luggage is no larger than the size of the air steward’s hand and then land at an airport 80 miles from the designated destination. Basically, normal operation.”

The results of the ballot are due on August 7 and strike action by pilots in the airline’s largest market could take place two weeks later, the union told members in a memo, which has been seen by Reuters.

“In previous bouts of industrial action, we’ve seen joy on the faces of Ryanair customers, who, when they arrive at Newquay-London airport, discover their flights have been cancelled. This normally results with them having to spend two days sleeping in the departure lounge,  sharing four toilets with six hundred other passengers, before getting on a competitors flight to Magaluf-Paris”, Mr Strutton commented, “Ensuring customers fly Ryanair and occur several hundred euros of ‘indirect costs’, 100% of the time, is the only real effective employee weapon to hurt Ryanair”.

Ryanair operates over 600,000 flights a year and 88% of those flights arrived on time in the last 12 months.

“I’m gutted”, stated passenger Mr Montpellier Clocks (37) of Barton Stacey, booked on a Ryanair flight from Bradford-London to Alicante-Prague, “I promised the wife and kids ten nights in Benidorm, three in tax free shopping  and one living off Maltesers & Fanta from the vending machine over there. Now it looks like we’ll have to endure the full 14 in Benidorm, whilst I take out a crippling short-term, payday loan to cover in-flight costs”, he protested  whilst investigating the current market price for 37-year old kidney on his smartphone.

CEO of Ryanair is Michael O’Leary

“Ryanair relies on people forgetting the customer experience as soon as possible, in order they return thinking ‘it can’t be as bad as that again’ “, Mr O’Leary commented  “Whilst the risk of 100% flights is a worrying threat to our business model, we are working on new and inventive ways to remain blameless and at the forefront of flight cancellation. You’d be amazed at how many penguins roam the runway at Ibiza-Rome for example.”

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
5 Foolproof Ways - Advert v2 (1920 x 1280)

White Label Comedy

The News Dump is brought to you by White Label Comedy – a hive-mind of Comedy Writers and Advertising Creatives who collaborate on-demand to generate Comedy Content for Brands, TV Shows and more.

If we’ve made you laugh, and you know someone who might enjoy working with us, we’d love it if you could send them to www.whitelabelcomedy.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.