The World Anti-Doping Agency has voted unanimously to ban Russia from international sport for four years for doping offences.
However, it is understood Russia is hoping to overturn the ban by presenting the country’s most famous sports celebrity, Ivan Drago, as a test case for how clean their athletes are.
Drago is most famously known for killing fictional boxer, Apollo Creed, in the ring during a emotionally charged bout with hard hitting 80s synth music in the background.
Russian sports minister Pavel Kolobkov said “In the interests of transparency, we must disclose that Ivan Drago is actually fictional and the antagonist of capitalist propaganda film, Rocky 4. Therefore, in order to ensure a fair reading, we’ll be drawing blood from Dolph Lungren the actor who portrayed him.”
When approached for comment, the 62 year old Lungren was quoted as saying “What the fuck are you talking about?”
However, following reports that several trench-coated men had entered his home in the early hours with the words “polonium 210…” – “made to look like an accident…” “We’ll cast Steven Seagal instead…” the Swede offered himself up to Russian scientists.
At press time, understood that noted fictional heroin addict Spud from the film Trainspotting also used the Russian testing labs to get the all clear after being prosecuted for suspected driving under the influence.