England’s Rugby World Cup match against France on Saturday has been called off because of Typhoon Hagibis
The decision has disappointed Rugby fans throughout England as many were looking forward to a heavy drinking session on Saturday morning, avoiding the weekly shop with the wife in Sainsbury
The typhoon, described as the biggest of the year, is set to wreak havoc in Tokyo and surrounding areas.
“Very disappointing”, stated new rugby fan Colin Dependent (54) of Cirencester, “I’ve only just discovered the game and was looking forward to cheering the boys on and knocking back half a gallon Hobsons Old Moffett before half-time. I’m normally a soccer man, but have really gotten into Rugby the past three weeks. The drinking and good-natured xenophobia is a big attraction.”
The Pool B match between New Zealand and Italy in Toyota on Saturday has also been cancelled, denying Italy their outside chance of qualifying.
“Gutted”, was how Colin Influenced (54) of Stelling Minnis described the double postponement, “I’ve just spent £40 on a genealogist to prove that I have both a tenuous New Zealand and Italian heritage, in order to explain to the missus that this was a much watch 5:45am game, dove-tailing into the England game at 9:15am. I suppose I’ll have to mow the lawn and take the kids to football now, instead of quaffing nine pints of Whiticker’s Colon Soaker by the time ‘Sounds of The Sixties’ would normally be finishing. ”
At time of writing Scotland’s Game Against Japan (11:45 am BST on Sunday) is still going ahead
“Fingers crossed for Scotland in this must-win game”, declared Colin Yeastbreath (54) of Barton Stacey, “I have a friend who has a Border Terrier, so was hoping to cheer on the plucky Scots from the comfort of my local ‘The Duke Without A Head’ and imbibe fifteen pints of Whitley’s Brain Aneurysm . If this game doesn’t go ahead, there is a grave danger that Scotland will be eliminated and I’ll have to put up some shelves in the spare room”
Ireland’s game against Samoa (11:45 am on Saturday) is due to go-ahead
“Luckily there are enough people claiming to be Irish on St Patrick’s day every year to counter the England game being cancelled”, said relieved landlord of the ‘The Starteled Organist’ Colin Fivewives (54), “So hopefully they’ll be out in force on Saturday, but I suspect occasional New Zealand fan and professional drinker, Colin Tuahini-Whatu (54) will be flipping his allegiance from the All Blacks to any tinpot side in the South Pacific as usual, before downing five bottles of Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, by the time ‘Final Score’ comes on”