The Duchess of Sussex has given birth to a boy, the Duke of Sussex has announced…
…and apologised that, against all their hopes, it is a white, privileged male. ‘Sorry! This has proved to be a huge disappointment for us. There’s still a chance he’ll be gay, and we promise we will do everything possible to facilitate that. Fingers crossed, eh?’
Asked if they had any names yet, Prince Harry said: ‘Still thinking about names. The baby is a little bit overdue, so we’ve had a little bit of time to think about it.’
Unhelpful suggestions from the Duke of Edinburgh include Nancy Boy, Pooftah and Faggot.
The baby is a dual citizen, having automatically acquired US citizenship, via Meghan, at birth.
Insiders tell us that this is just the next step in a plan the Royal Family has been working on to revert a mistake they made in the Seventeenth century and the campaign for him to become a future President of the United States starts now. Incredibly, he is already showing some of the qualities suitable for the job having tiny, little hands and been heard having a big temper tantrum.
The first photo of the baby is expected any minute now, just as soon as the baby has figured out how to take a selfie on his iPhone, set up his Instagram account and post it.
The birth follows an announcement that Meghan went into Labour in the early hours of this morning.
Jeremy Corbyn congratulated Megan on her decision at a time when so many are leaving his party.