Royal Bournemouth A&E “cuts” waiting times by turning patients away. Other measures include letting down ambulance tyres, and training receptionists to pretend to ignore anyone who does slip past the nurse on the door.

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Waiting times at The Royal Bournemouth Hospital A&E have fallen under a new initiative in which a senior nurse stands at the front doors to turn away non-emergency patients.

Other measures intended to cut waiting times include letting down ambulance tyres, and training reception staff to place their fingers in their ears and shout la la la la should any patients evade the nurse on the door.

The Royal College of Emergency Medicine says that after a relatively quiet start to 2019 pressure on A&E units across the country has intensified.

Staff nurse Bernadine Mussolini told News Dump that people should consider carefully whether they really are an emergency case, and if so whether it is quicker to get an Uber than to call 999.

The government recently promised a further £420m for the NHS this year.

This is a mere £17.8b less than the figure which some claim was plastered all over a double decker bus during the referendum campaign.

Recent figures show that rural NHS trusts are suffering the most from underfunding.

In South Devon so far this year 18 tonsillectomies and 2 triple heart bypasses have had to be carried out by veterinary surgeons.

And a postman from Lowestoft has said that since Christmas he’s delivered more babies than parcels.

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