MPs have been ordered to stop hosting late-night drinking parties in their offices.
Because it’s disturbing colleagues quietly and politely holding orgies next door.
“On Monday night that lot across the corridor were at it until the small hours, laughing and shouting, the racket absolutely ruined my concentration” said one distraught orgy-goer, who wished to remain anonymous.
“Not only did I lose ‘focus’, so to speak, I forgot to charge up my electric cattle prod. I was blushing with embarrassment the rest of the night. Although luckily no one could tell through my leather-daddy gimp mask”
There are concerns about the drinking culture in the House of Commons. Because of subsidies, alcohol is significantly cheaper than in nearby pubs and clubs.
And it’s not just other drinking establishments that are suffering because of the commons’ bars unfair advantage.
Kody Jaxxson – AKA Dr Blow – explained: “It’s disgusting. I sell the best gear around, but because MPs get such cheap booze, they’re not even interested in trying my merchandise…”
“They’re a cheeky lot, too. Just before the recess one of my few remaining customers asked for a Christmas discount on my Charlie. Claimed we were living in ‘times of austerity’…”