Rees-Mogg sticks to principles: chokes the shit out of Johnson for grammatical errors in EU letter

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Jacob Rees-Mogg sticks to his principles, and chokes the shit out Boris Johnson for having grammatical errors in his EU letter

Boris Johnson delivered an unsigned letter to the EU seeking a Brexit delay, following his loss in commons yesterday. His letter however, contained a grammatical error.

Upon discovering this, Jacob Rees-Mogg, a staunch ally of Johnson, said that he needed to stay true to his principles of ‘grammatical elitism’ and take immediate disciplinary action.

This resulted in Rees-Mogg, delivering choking the Prime Minister until he passed out.

Witnesses say that Rees-Mogg approached Boris Johnson, before flipping over him like ‘some sort of frenzied mongoose on a bike wheel’, and then putting the Prime Minister in a chokehold.

Johnson, struggling like a cat in a windchime, was unable to escape from Rees-Mogg’s grasp, and began to run out of breath, his face turning pale, and his eyes bulging

Rees-Mogg was silent throughout the ordeal, only once whispering into Johnson’s ear that ‘Grammar is above us all Boris’.

Johnson’s use of ‘people’s’ was deemed grammatically incorrect, with many on twitter noting he did not need to use an apostrophe.

Upon discovering this, Rees-Mogg took off his glasses and put on a monocle, so he could then have it pop off in shock. He dropped what he was doing (teaching his son how to properly name a yacht) and rushed to Downing street to confront the Prime Minister.

Mr Johnson believed nothing was the matter, until he woke up 23 minutes later with no knowledge of the previous half an hour.

He had a piece of A4 featuring Rees-Mogg’s header stapled to his chest. It featured a red cursive font, that displayed a grade of ‘B-‘.

Rees-Mogg made headlines earlier this year after issuing staff a strict guide on proper style, language, and grammar usage.

It appears that Boris Johnson did not read this, or merely believed it did not apply to him. Rees-Mogg has made it perfectly clear that the Prime Minister can ignore the laws of the British courts and European Union, but not when it comes to proper plurals.

 

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