Queen demotes Prince Harry to middle-class

Popular Right Now, The Royals
Queen Elizabeth SICK of everyone bitching behind her back

In a statement from Sandringham, the Queen disclosed she had talks with Harry, which also involved the Prince of Wales and the Duke of Cambridge, and has agreed a “period of transition” in which the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will ease themselves into a more independent life.

Whilst Harry and Meghan envisaged the ‘period of transition’ to be somewhat lengthy, the Queen has reminded the Sussexes that she calls the shots and the transition is to be immediate, if not sooner.

Harry and Meghan “made it clear that they do not want to be reliant on public funds in their new lives”.

After public funds provided them with a lavish wedding, and made millions of pounds available to renovate their crown-owned property? But, that was their ‘old life’.

“Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family.” Commented the Queen.

At the end of the meeting Her Majesty stripped the Duke of Sussex of his duties, Prince Charles cut-off Harry’s £2m yearly allowance and Prince William gave his brother a copy of Nigel Slater’s Everyday Tuscan Toasties.

A palace insider, confided: “Prince William joked that Prince Harry was already middle-class, stating he lives in a cottage with a desirable postcode, holidays in Canada, enjoys ‘rugger’ – not rugby and sports unmanageable facial hair.

“At this, Prince Harry flew into a proper posh geezer’s rage; cursing staff, kicking umbrella stands, and shouting, “I’m not adopting a Polynesian street cat and I’m certainly not cleaning Archie’s teeth with an organic f*cking liquorice root.”

Palace aides believe this could this be the last tantrum he’ll have before stifling every future anxiety behind middle-class empathetic platitudes and a nervous tick.

The Queen commented: “These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done…

“but I am entirely supportive of Harry’s decision to spend the rest of his days in aspiration of the status he once had…

“while doing Tough Mudders with his uncle Andrew.”


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