Priti Patel admits her face Is the result of a ’40 a day smirking habit’

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Priti Patel admits her face Is the result of a ’40 a day smirking habit’

The BBC has unreservedly apologised to Home Secretary Priti Patel after she was accused of smirking during Andrew Marr’s show last week.

This follows revelations that she has been battling her smirking addiction ‘for most of her adult life’.

A spokesman for the Home Office told us today that the apology was a ‘victory for those afflicted by this awful condition’ and that he hoped that it would help sufferers.

“Ms Patel has lived with this for all of her life. It started at just 17, when she was caught smirking at the funeral of a relative and it escalated from there. She knew that it wasn’t doing her any good, but she just couldn’t stop.”

“It all came to a head when she had to get her dog put to sleep and counted around 25 smirks in around half and hour. She knew then she had to get help.”

Her friend, John Enfield, has also spoken out about her battle, saying that he has seen her in her ‘darkest times’.

“I can remember being in town with her once and she seemed absolutely fine when, out of the blue, a bus full of poor people crashed into a wall in front of us. It was so sad to see, the smirking was uncontrollable, she almost smirked her face completely off.”

“But with help and the support of both professionals and her friends and family, I am pleased to say that she has completely given up smirking now and is relieved that it is all behind her.”

“What Andrew Marr saw was the scarring of the thousands upon thousands of smirks that she has had to endure over the years. She knows that she is always going to be a recovering smirker, but we are here for her.”

The BBC have also apologised that it was a middle-aged, white, male presenter who made the comment.

“Once again, we are very sorry for any offence caused,” said Tony Hall, Director General of the BBC.

“Priti Patel was definitely not smirking, unless Naga Munchetty said that she was.”

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