The Duke of Edinburgh has ‘voluntarily’ given up his driving license according to Buckingham Palace.
The Duke, 197, was involved in a car crash last month while behind the wheel near the Sandringham estate.
The Duke was found dead at the scene but once again resuscitated and zombified with embalming fluid.
A woman who was travelling in the Kia that collided with the Duke’s much posher car suffered a broken wrist.
She also suffered a royal snub, a lot of press attention, a feeble apology letter written by a lackey purporting to be from the royal old codger and a huge bung from a tacky tabloid for her side of the whole sorry story.
As a result, the ‘establishment’ has told the royal fossil to stop hurtling around the countryside bashing into people because his spindly old legs are too weak to perform an emergency stop. Further, the Duke was reminded that his ‘subjects’ do have some rights under British law, so he can’t go around inflicting injuries on them willy-nilly.
“It’s a bloody disgrace,” barked the royal cadaver when cornered on a Sandringham peasant shoot, “I don’t see what the fuss is about. The fat bugger only suffered a broken wrist. I lost my life again, a perfectly good Land Rover, and my bottom set of teeth.”
Whilst reluctantly surrendering his driving license, it is understood that the Duke will retain his pilot’s license.
“The interfering bastards can’t complain about that, surely,” said the Duke, “No emergency stops in the air, eh?”
The Duke continued, “I like to do aerobatics, especially low level loops above King’s Lynn’s schools and hospitals. With 200 gallons of fuel on board and a few stiff drinks inside me to steady my nerves, what could possibly go wrong?”.