Prince Andrew has announced that he will step back from doing bugger all and will instead focus his energy on doing fuck all.
He said he had asked the Queen for permission to withdraw from royal duties for the ‘foreseeable future’.
The monarch granted the request saying, ‘He’s a fucking liability anyway’.
The duke has faced a growing backlash following a BBC interview about his friendship with US financier Jeffrey Epstein.
In a statement he said, ‘I’ve spent years doing bugger all and it has, inevitably, taken its toll. Being in the public eye is great fun when you’re involved in a royal wedding or a champagne charity bash, but when the plebs realise you’re just a parasitic arsehole whose shoes aren’t worthy of their tongue, it can be a tough business’. He went on to say that after a ‘short break’ he plans to join his brother, Edward, doing fuck all.
The prince acknowledged the BBC interview over his relationship with disgraced financier, Epstein, had become a ‘major distraction’ to the royal family.
Prince Andrew had hoped that, following the Duke of Edinburgh’s retirement from public life, he would be able to fill the role of wittering idiot, but when it became clear that he can’t even do that right he was left with no option but to throw in the towel and accept his talents lie in doing fuck all and keeping his mouth shut.
BT, Standard Chartered Bank, KPMG and four Australian universities earlier announced they were withdrawing support for the duke’s business mentoring initiative Pitch@Palace. Sources said the decisions were made before the interview.
In a joint statement they said, ‘In recent days it has come to our attention that the Duke of York has never done a days work in his life and knows fuck all about business, so without an ounce of regret, he’s fired’.