“Prince Albert” piercing renamed a “Prince Andrew” – as it hangs around penises, but only a few close friends know the truth

Health, Lifestyle and Family, Popular Right Now, The Royals
Prince Albert piercing renamed a Prince Andrew - as it hangs around penises, but only a few close friends know the truth

Makers of the famed ‘Prince Albert’ metallic cock apparatus have today announced that it shall hereby be known as a ‘Prince Andrew’ on account of the fact that he, like a cock ring, hangs around a lot of penises but only tells a select few the truth about this.

However this has caused some consternation amongst the pierced community as a cock ring is a reliable piece of kit whereas Andrew is quite the opposite.

The Duke of York, unlike his famed ancestor, didn’t get halfway up or indeed any way up the hill.

In all likelihood he ignored the hill altogether preferring instead to visit a nearby village and befriend the nearest sex trafficker if allegations about his private life are to be believed.

Sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s relationship with Prince Andrew under scrutiny

Now, it’s never a good idea to make friends with a sex trafficker, most of us are aware of this, but Andrew, despite being a public figure, is the worst judge of character since his ancestor Edward VIII knowingly joined a knitting circle which met twice weekly at Adolf Eichmann’s house in Putney.

Prince Andrew ‘knows what he’s done’ claims Epstein victim Virginia Roberts

Like most people who don’t suffer from dementia; Andrew does in all likelihood know what he’s done.

This draws another neat comparison with a cock ring as anyone who’s had a piece of metal shoved through the end of their member would be well aware what they’d done and lest they forget a good foraging of the crown jewels every time they go through airport security would doubtless remind them.

Roberts claims she was kept as a sex slave by Andrew however this seems unlikely as Andrew receives enough taxpayers hard earned cash to pay all his employees properly whatever service they perform.

But if there was any impropriety he’s not going to admit it as it would put his mother in a somewhat precarious position.

She is the head of an illustrious nation who’d rather not be known as the mother of a man who’s own ineptitude led him to become immortalised as a sex aid.

The Queen has been unavailable for comment on the subject but insiders at the palace have hinted that she approves of the renaming as, in her own words,  ‘[Andrew] always was always unsightly, often pissed off and generally a right pain in the ass.’

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