As a New Year begins, the nation is on tenterhooks – ready for the long-awaited start of the brand new season of Brexit.
For those who don’t have time to re-watch the last 7 seasons before the 7th January, here’s our guide to what’s happened so far.
Currently March 29th 2019 is the last day we are officially in the EU…
…and March 30th 2019 is the first day Remainers can officially start saying, “I told you so.”
In June, it was announced that the NHS would get an extra £20 billion a year by 2023, funded by a Brexit Dividend.
Labour accused the Government of stealing their idea and not doing their sums correctly; so presumably an idea originally suggested by Diane Abbott.
During the referendum campaign it was claimed that, if the UK voted to leave, it would be quickly followed by the signing of big trade deals with other countries.
Sure enough, in 2018 we saw big trade deals signed by both Japan and Canada. With the EU.
On a trip to China in August, the then newly appointed Foreign Secretary had difficulty distinguishing Chinese from Japanese.
In this aspect, Jeremy Hunt was difficult to distinguish from his predecessor, Boris Johnson.
A big issue with Brexit in 2018 was the Irish Border. Brexiteers were keen to play the problem down saying that it could easily be resolved with technology.
Theresa May had told Brexiteers that if they had a better solution to the Irish Border, they had to spell it out; and they’ve been smugly spelling “I” “T” ever since.
Jeremy Corbyn has stated that he believes there is no way Brexit can now be stopped.
Bear in mind this is a man who couldn’t find a seat on a half-empty train, never mind the emergency stop cord.
After 48 letters of no confidence were delivered to the chairman of the 1922 Committee, Theresa May had to fight off a leadership challenge.
And the chairman was gutted to discover he’d not received nearly as many Christmas Cards as he’d thought.
When Parliament reconvenes in 2019, it will vote on Theresa May’s Brexit Deal. It will only take seven Tory rebels to defeat it and there are very few who believe the Prime Minister will win the vote.
But they haven’t seen all the details of her her final plan which includes Tom Cruise hanging off the hands of Big Ben to cause a distraction whilst twenty actors enter Parliament wearing rubber face masks of specially selected Tory MPs and a dwarf dressed as a leprechaun having a chat with the DUP.
We are now well over 95% there with Brexit.
This is the most likely point at which we will get the message, “Brexit has failed to install, please try again.”
If Parliament doesn’t approve the Deal, then Ministers would have up to 21 days to make a statement to the Commons on “how it proposes to proceed.”
One of the most popular suggestions is that we raise Maggie Thatcher from the dead, reinstall her as PM, withdraw article 50 over night and tell them it was all just a bad dream.
The probability has never been higher that we might leave Europe with ‘no deal’ in place.
But on the plus side, the book ‘Reasons To Be Cheerful’ has been revised for 2019 and it’s never been quicker to download and read.