Unconfirmed reports from the music industry this morning suggest that a song may have been discovered which has yet to be ruined by attention seeking arseholes.
As of midnight on Sunday, it was believed that all popular songs written since 1972 had been destroyed by talentless twats up and down the country, who seem to be treating the global pandemic as an opportunity to apply for next year’s Britain’s Got Talent. However, one song appears to have survived unscathed.
Despite cries to reveal details of the mystery hit to the public, industry moguls have vowed to keep its identity secret in order to preserve its integrity – a move that has disappointed a number of insufferably deluded families across the UK.
Jonny Charter, head of Charter Records, who originally produced the song, told us that it would be released in its original ‘untouched’ form at Christmas.
“What we have is the equivalent of the Holy Grail of the music industry. A song that has remained pure throughout a pandemic that hasn’t just had a devastating effect on people, but has destroyed some of the best music ever written.”
“Yet we have this single nugget, something that hasn’t been ruined by bored, out of touch celebrities and certainly hasn’t been screeched out on the internet by Mr and Mrs Cockwomble and their intolerably precocious stage-school darlings.”
“This is going to be good. So good in fact, my wife and I might do a version.”