Police to get new powers to tackle illegal drone use. Powers include web slinging and really stretchy arms.

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The government has announced that police will be given new powers to tackle the illegal use of drones.

Officers will have the ability to stop and search any suspicious looking drones and may be able to charge them with a new ‘hovering with intent’ offence.

Other new police powers include the ability to jump thousands of feet in the air; having really long, stretchy arms; and spider web flinging capabilities.

Many officers have already been bitten by specially created radioactive spiders at great cost to the taxpayer. So far there have been seven fatalities, three nasty swellings and one permanent case of gigantism.

However, the government assures the public that web-flinging is just around the corner and the reprioritisation of resources away from a strong police presence on the streets will totally be worth it.

The government said it would also expand technology to detect and repel drones from sites like airports and prisons.

Action is being taken after hundreds of inmates at Swansea prison had their Christmas ruined when the bedsheets they were using to climb to their escape got tangled up in a rogue drone.

In future, registered drone users will need to take an online competency test.

The rigorous test will consist of a quiz called ‘Park or Airport.’ Applicants will be presented with a series of photographs – some containing images of cyclists, dog walkers and duck ponds and others containing images of commercial aircraft. If users can correctly identify the location 75% of the time they will be granted a drone licence.

This test and pass rate is the same as the one used by Ryanair flight crew when they qualify as pilots.

Chris Ballard

Written By: Chris Ballard

Chris has literally months of experience as a comedy writer. He has had sketch and oneliner credits on BBC’s Newsjack, is a certified writer on Comedywire and has written over 100 articles for various satire sites. He lives in Kent where he is cared for by his wife and two children. One day his wife will laugh at something he has written.
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