In his first daily briefing on Coronavirus, Boris Johnson told over 70s to self-isolate and only leave the house to go for walk.
Adding they should be kept on a lead at all times while outside.
The Prime Minister said the new measures will create social distancing for over 70s
and prevent them sniffing each others arses’.
New rules will make it illegal to be in charge of an older person in a public place without being in possession of ‘items sufficient to clean up after them.’ And if an over 70 in your care is prone to outbursts of mild racism, they should be muzzled to prevent causing offence.
A government spokesman has told anyone with an over 70 in their family to ensure that they’re microchipped before the weekend in case they go missing. This is to allow them to be returned to their loved ones if they are found to be stray rather than being sold on the black market and turned into kebab meat.
The Prime Minister is expected to announce further restrictions over the coming days.
These are likely to include not leaving an over 70 in the car without leaving a window open, not to allow their persistent chatter to annoy neighbours and not to allow them to be out of control in a public place (which should be made easier as all the pubs are likely to be closed)