PM rejects EU offer of ventilators because he’s a massive bellend

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Wasted day for Conservatives after Boris Johnson gets trapped in his own jumper

Boris Johnson has been accused of putting ‘Brexit before breathing’ after refusing the offer to take part in an EU scheme to get extra ventilators during the coronavirus outbreak.

The news confirms what we were all thinking anyway; that the PM is a massive bellend.

The bloc has said the UK can take part in the project, which will use the EU’s buying power to purchase more stock.

But Boris said ‘a few more deaths is a fair price to pay’ for him to make sure he doesn’t upset mouthy middle-aged gobshites by working in partnership with the EU.

A Downing Street spokesman said the UK is ‘making (its) own efforts’ to get more ventilators. These include waiting for ventilators designed by Dyson to pass regulatory checks.

Because the UK government would rather let plenty of time pass before allowing their citizens to use a ventilator produced by a company that makes fucking vacuum cleaners, than just take part in a very simple scheme to get ventilators quickly and easily through the EU.

Last week Matt Hancock asked anybody who manufactures anything in the UK to cease production and instead design and build a ventilator.

Yes, that’s right folks, if you fall ill and need a ventilator, you may very well be given one made by a man that a fortnight ago was producing boiled sweets just because Dave from Bridgend doesn’t like immigrants.

The UK currently has 8,000 ventilators available and has placed orders for another 8,000 from existing manufacturers, but there are concerns about capacity in hospitals as the spread of the virus worsens.

But the Prime Minister said he was ‘elected on nothing but Brexit’ and he’s prepared to risk lives for that single issue as it’s the only thing that’s ever satisfied his egotistical desire to be loved by the masses – even if those masses largely consist of racist ‘Free Tommy’ morons that couldn’t give a shit about the common good.

The decision has led to an angry response from opposition parties, with some accusing the government of putting their Brexit policy ahead of medical needs.

Explaining the decision, a senior Downing Street aide said the cabinet ‘considered accepting the deal’ but rejected it as it would most likely ‘raise the blood pressure of too many gammons and put excessive pressure on the NHS at a time when it couldn’t cope’, adding ‘plus the steam coming out of their ears would send their temperatures sky high and we don’t have enough Covid-19 test kits either.’

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