PM offers Therexit in exchange for Brexit. And once that’s done, we can all go back to reporting the news using proper words.

UK Politics
PM offers Therexit in exchange for Brexit. And once that's done, we can all go back to reporting the news using proper words

Efforts to persuade MPs to back Theresa May’s Brexit deal will continue today after she promised to quit as PM if it was approved.

If Therexit succeeds in achieving Brexit, then it’s likely to spell Jexit. If it doesn’t a gelection looks increasingly likely as the only option to break the impasse in Parliament.

A spokesman for the National Union of Journalists (NUJ) said, ‘Clearly Therexit means Therexit, but of course we don’t yet know what Therexit means. We can only hope it’ll mean an end to this mess so we can go back to reporting the news using proper words. I mean, I did a degree for this. And for the past two years I’ve been using words like Brexit, which was only invented to dumb down politics for people who don’t really understand it. Like Nigel Farage and Tim Martin.’

After a series of indicative votes last night, none of the eight alternative Brexit proposals brought by MPs secured backing.

Indicating that, like the rest of us, MP’s still don’t have a clue what’s going on.

Following Mrs May’s announcement, long term critics of her deal, Boris Johnson and Ian Duncan-Smith, said they may be prepared to back it if it means her stepping down as PM. But she needs to win over 75 rebels to overturn the 149-vote rejection of her deal on 13 March.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said he would only support the deal if the 10 MPs of the DUP support it,

the Prime Minister steps down, and he gets to ride on a unicorn. ‘Daddy said I could have anything I wanted,’ he told reports, ‘but he never got me my ride on unicorn. I felt terribly let down. I thought he was so rich he could afford anything I asked for.’

But Arlene Foster has reiterated that ‘the backstop in that Withdrawal Agreement makes it impossible for us to sign up to it.’

Adding ‘It’s bad enough that we’re not even included in the made-up word for this sh*tstorm. It should be called the UKexit of Brexit and NIxit. But that just goes to show how we in Northern Ireland are undervalued by the rest of the UK. So, if Jacob-Rees-Mogg wants our votes he can kiss my arse.’

Rees-Mogg is said to be considering his options, but there is a groundswell of opinion across the Tory party for making Theresa May the fall guy in this situation. And privately John Bercow has told MP’s he will be prepared to allow Arlene Foster to bare her backside at PMQ’s if ‘Theresa May agrees to kiss it, stand down, and then f*ck off and stop making me work late.’

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