PM-hopeful Gove inspired by Solskjaer, promises return to Tory’s attacking philosophy – “we’ll attack the poor, the homeless, and the NHS.”

UK Politics
PM-hopeful Gove inspired by Solskjaer, promises return to Tory's attacking philosophy - we'll attack the poor, the homeless, and the NHS

Michael Gove has emerged as the front runner to replace Theresa May as caretaker Prime Minister.

Mr Gove is said to have taken inspiration from Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, caretaker manager of Manchester United, and is planning a return to the Tories’ attacking philosophy – attacking the poor, attacking the homeless and attacking the NHS.

The Environment Secretary is joint-favourite to replace Theresa May, following growing reports that cabinet ministers are plotting to oust the beleaguered PM.

Like Solskjaer, Gove would be replacing an unpopular and morose predecessor – who frequently complains they can’t get their own way and their staff are sabotaging them.

And, like Manchester United, Trump fan Gove loves playing on the right wing and is rumoured to have been bought by the Americans.

Many MPs continue to champion Gove as interim PM, amidst the threat that May could be succeeded by deputy PM David Lidington.

Backbenchers are said to be excited at the prospect of Gove creating a Solskjaer-effect on the government and have even begun chanting his name, in a ditty not too dissimilar to the famous Utd song “Ole’s at the Wheel” (based on Stone Roses’ Waterfall):

“Govey’s at the wheel,
Tell me how crap will it feel!
We’ll have no-deal, no experts or meds
All the plebs will use doorways for beds!
Du du du du du du du du du du
The greatest country in the world,
We’ve fucked it all!”

United boss Solskjaer has credited his success, which has seen his side improve by 32 points, to employing ex-United players in his backroom staff.

Gove aims to follow suit, installing former Tory heroes into his cabinet – Phillip Green as Justice Minister, David Cameron as Minister for Farming and Boris Johnson as tea boy.

  • 164

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.