Piers Morgan’s rage aneurysm now visible from space as Greggs owner goes vegan

Business, Entertainment, Art & Culture
Vegan Sausage Rolls gives Greggs' a sales boost. We hate the taste. But we hate Piers Morgan even more! says literally everyone

The chief executive of bakery chain Greggs Roger Whiteside – which sells thousands of meat pasties every week – is trying veganism after seeing a documentary about the health benefits.

This is just the most recent in a long line of blows for the controversial morning host Piers Morgan. Morgan’s rage aneurysm is understood to have swelled by another 40 feet, the supparating mass now being visible by low orbit satellites and downgraded Ryan Air passengers forced to ride on the wings.

In yet another unprompted and deeply unwelcome opinion coming from somewhere within the pulsating biological growth, Morgan gave the following statement  “Vegans. We all know one. Without prompting they offer their unwelcome opinions on an unsuspecting nation.”

Morgan continued “Now it seems the owner of Greggs thinks there might be some kind of health benefit from eating vegetables. I’d like to see the evidence of that, and by that, I mean I’d like to talk loudly over any dietitian, scientist or doctor presenting evidence of that until they’re forced to mutter ‘what a cunt’ under their breath.”

Whiteside was quoted as saying “Obviously there are arguments based around animal welfare and the environment, but this was all about the health benefits and I thought I should give it a go,”

Although Morgan and his conjoined pus filled rage aneurysm were disappointed at Whiteside’s vegan stance, they took some heart in the fact that at least he wasn’t doing it to ease the suffering of animals in any way.

“How do you know if someone’s vegan?” Morgan joked.

“Either they’ll tell you or I because I’ve personally hacked every vegan’s phone in the country and released the information into the public domain.”

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.