‘Perfect’ Gingerbread City unveiled in London. Instantly declares as sovereign state – Brits desperate to emigrate.

Politics

Architects at a London museum have created what they describe as ‘the perfect gingerbread city’.

No, seriously. This is a thing. That’s not the bit of the story we made up – it’s in bold, and that means it’s the truth.

The city includes confectionary landmarks such as ‘Bakewell Bridge’ and the ‘Hot Cross Pub’, as well as a cable car.

Despite existing within the UK, Gingerbread City yesterday declared itself to be a sovereign state – much like Vatican City. And just like Vatican City, the city is chock-full of things that are really bad for children.

This sugary new state is now welcoming applications for citizenship – and with its many (fluorescent) green spaces, a super-efficient strawberry lace-based public transport system, and a booming economy thanks to the residents’ liquorice assets, the prospect of life in this cinnamon-frosted utopia has great appeal for those currently trapped within the ever-spiralling dog-shit-tornado that is Brexit Britain.

Space, however, is limited…

… as the city currently occupies one medium-sized display table in a back room on Floor E of the museum.

As such, immigration will be tightly controlled – with applications assessed using a skills-based model.

“We won’t judge applicants on their nationality, but on whether or not they have the skills we require. Baking, icing and decorating, gumdrop button maintenance and the ability to tolerate having sticky hands like, literally, all the time“, said Gingerbread City’s newly elected mayor, Gordon Brown-Sugar.

With Britain currently to-ing and fro-ing over the small matter of Brexit, there’s been speculation that Gingerbread City could be perfectly placed to steal the UK’s spot in the EU – but Brown-Sugar quickly put that to bed:

“The only ‘E’ we’re interested in is E133. The additive that keeps our sky blue and our children happily running through the streets like orangutans on cocaine.”

Britain does have one thing in common with its newest enclave – Gingerbread City is also yet to establish any meaningful trading relationships outside of its own borders. As such, the only readily available foodstuff is sugar, which health experts warn is composed almost entirely of sugar, and therefore represents a significant challenge to those attempting to stick to their RDAs.

Because of this, Gingerbread City strongly discourages citizenship applications from diabetics, people with weight issues or anyone who quite likes having teeth.

Alexander MJ Smith

Written By: Alexander MJ Smith

Alexander is an emerging writer of funny things for screen, stage and speaker system. His credits include BBC Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and the word ‘include’ to make it sound like there are lots more. He also sometimes writes things that aren’t funny (on purpose) and sometimes these get published.
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