Extinction Rebellion protester and paralympian James Brown today climbed on top of a British Airways plane at London City airport
However, after four hours lying on top of the fuselage in the pissing rain he found to his disgust that the BA pilots had all walked out in a wildcat strike.
“I feel a right tit,” grizzled the hapless protester after precariously sliding backwards and forwards on the slippery surface of the fuselage, waving his arms about trying to get the attention of the authorities, “How are we expected to protest against gas guzzling, world polluting planes if those bastards in BALPA can’t even be arsed to fly the bloody things?”
He further added that he hoped the police and security wouldn’t take too long to apprehend him “because this is fucking scary and it’s also a bit cold.”
The flat earth ‘live on your knees,’ sandal-shuffling idiot then went on to say, “I had a hell of a job to get up here. I had to hire a helicopter to hover above it and winch me down. The fuel bill alone was over three thousand quid.”
A spokesperson for the airport said that the airport remained fully open throughout the protest but is advising pilots to ‘check on top of their fuselages’ before they start their take-off sequence.
“This isn’t specifically about Extinction Rebellion protesters,” said the spokesperson, “Since Thomas Cook went under we get a lot of cheapskates trying to sneak out of the country for a quick sunshine break by clinging to the outside of our planes.”