In the 91-year history of the Academy Awards, only five women have ever been nominated for best director.
Liz Tucker, chair of Women in Film and Television UK, said “The lack of women nominated for best director” yet again was “immensely disappointing”.
“No – it’s entirely fair” insisted a spokesman for the Academy. “Women just aren’t bossy enough, or efficient at multitasking. All traits a good director needs. Along with knowing where you want people to stand and speak.”
“It’s all about storytelling and men are just so much more adept at communicating. We’ve given the gals a few swipes at it, and we even let a non-man win recently. Hmm what was her name? Oh something like Cat Bungalow wasn’t it?”
Kathryn Bigelow won Best Director for The Hurt Locker in 2010. It was the first (and only) time a woman has won since the awards began in 1929.
“So there’s everything to play for, ladies” our spokesman added.
In 2013, Bigelow was not nominated for directing “Zero Dark Thirty,” a film about the team that found Osama bin Laden, though it got several nominations including best picture.
Tucker admits: “It seems difficult to believe that, on merit, only five women have ever been in that best director category.
Josie Rourke, Director of Mary Queen of Scots said: “I felt sure I’d at least get nominated for my film. It’s got a stellar cast (Margot Robbie and Saucy Ronan) a huge budget and is of course a period piece. Literally. I don’t know what more I could have…”
Our spokesman interrupted, assuming Rourke was finished: “You’re in good company ladies, don’t worry – black men have only been nominated five times too. And they aren’t making a fuss – they’re making films. Films that will be criminally overlooked too.”
In an exciting News Dump exclusive we can reveal Michelle Obama is turning her hand to directing and is preparing blow them all out of the water with a new self-penned film that’s surely set to earn her a nomination next year.
“It’s All White, Obama’s Coming Back: The Revenge.”