“On the twelfth day of Brexit, Brexit stole from me… ” (and other Christmas Carols)

UK Politics

With two days to go until the crucial Brexit vote, the prime minister has warned MPs they face “uncharted waters” if they reject her deal – and is doing all she can to remind them of the consequences.

This includes changing the running order for today’s House of Commons’ Carol Service – ditching the majority of festive favourites, in favour of Brexit-themed reversions that really spell out just how much trouble this country will be in if MPs don’t vote for May’s pitch perfect deal on Tuesday.


Songs include:

O Little Town of Brussels

Deck The Halls with ‘Protected Designation of Origin’ Cheeses

Baby It’s Cold Outside. And Inside. The power’s gone. Again.

Santa Claus isn’t coming to town. He couldn’t get a visa.

White Christmas.


The carol service will then finish with the show-stopping Twelve Days of Brexit – which Theresa May has rewritten herself, in order to remind MPs just how much the UK is predicted to lose in the case of a Hard Brexit.

The News Dump can now exclusively reveal the lyrics below. We have the whole lot – but we’re only reprinting the final verse. Because just like the Brexit conversation itself – the song gets really rather repetitive.


The Twelve Days of Brexit

On the twelfth day of Brexit, Brexit stole from me…

Fifty Trade Agreements

£39bn Alimony

Ten Million Jobs

Nine Car Manufacturers

Eight Billion Science Funding

Seven Bank Headquarters

Sickness help in Spaaain

Free-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Trade

Four Thousand Nurses

Freedom to Move

Two EU Agencies

And a Passport from the Eeeeeee U.


Inspired by the PM, Jacob Rees-Mogg is also getting into the Christmas / Brexit spirit – releasing his own Hard Brexit Advent Calendar.

Each door is labelled with the promise of a Brexit benefit. But unlike a traditional advent calendar, all those doors are locked – so as not to reveal the barren, empty space hidden behind them.

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