As schools close to all but the children of key workers, the teenage son of an NHS nurse in London has insisted that his mum is really a stripper.
Dave Bridge, 15, has told his head teacher that all those years of saying his mum was working overtime to care for vulnerable patients was just a cover for the fact that she was out until all hours showing her tits to filthy old men in clubs.
Schools are busy making preparations to support the 10% of students that will still be expected to attend.
But Dave interrupted the Covid-19 meeting at his school to show the senior leadership team his mum’s very authentic looking nurses’ uniform. He said it was important that they looked closely to see where fabric had been cut out in ‘personal areas’ and fortunately had enough knowledge of the uniform to be able to show them that she had written her name and ‘only for stripping’ on the label.
He also directed them to a recently opened Instagram account that regularly posts videos of naughty nurse stripagrams and has his mum’s photo its profile pic. The account also posted mobile phone footage of his mum dancing in the kitchen with the caption ‘Cooking spagbol and practising for when I get my arse out for the lads later tonight #multitasking’.
Dave’s request to be allowed to stay at home while schools are closed was rejected after his head teacher told Dave that he knows him mother is a nurse as she treated him when he went to A&E with a sprained wrist. Adding that he also knows her stripper costume is Wonder Woman outfit and that ‘none of those strippers on Instagram are her as they don’t have the very distinctive glittery gold vagazzle.’