‘No offence taken,’ says Trump as he orders nuclear strikes against UK, Canada and France

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'No offence taken,' says Trump as he orders nuclear strikes against UK, Canada and France

Controversy has broken out over reports that the leaders of Canada, Great Britain and France mocked the American President at a function marking the 70th anniversary of NATO.

Using all his skills of diplomacy, Donald Trump has responded by calling Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau two-faced.

Mr Trump has also taken further heat out of the situation by angrily fleeing the summit early and storming off back to America.

Boris Johnson has categorically denied he was involved in any gossiping about Mr Trump.

“I tell you it wasn’t me. With Brexit on the way I know full well that we’re desperate for a trade deal with the Yanks,” wailed the Prime Minister. “We need to keep them sweet, even if it means selling off the dear old Queen and Buck Palace, never mind the bloody NHS.

“But that awful French Macron chappie kept shooting his mouth off about Le Imbecile, then Justin joined in boasting Mrs Trump wanted to snog the face off him and things started to get a bit out of hand.

“I suppose I might have smirked a bit, but nothing more than that. I definitely didn’t make any remarks about his stupid hair and orange skin……alright yes I did.”

Speaking aboard Air Force One as he flew home to Washington, Mr Trump told reporters: “Being the humble and caring kind of guy that everyone says I am, I’ve taken absolutely no offence to the remarks which have been attributed to Johnson, Macron and Trudeau – or the Three Stooges as I like to call them.

“However I have been informed that a huge barrage of nuclear missiles is hurtling towards their respective countries.

“Obviously I have no way of knowing which nation has sent these rockets, but I’m told the fire power is coincidentally equivalent to 100 per cent of the US’s entire inter-continental ballistic arsenal. Let this be a lesson to us all, don’t mess with The Donald.”

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