‘no longer room in the Conservative Party’ for Nicholas Soames; as Rees-Mogg needs the extra seat to recline

UK Politics
Alt Parliament approves Jacob Rees-Mogg’s request to replace parliamentary benches with chaises longues

Following Boris Johnson’s expulsion of 21 Tory rebels Ruth Davidson took to social media to have her say, Tweeting ‘How in the name of all that is good and holy, is there no longer room in the Conservative Party’ Nicholas Soames?

A Tory spokesman responded by saying that someone had to go as Jacob Rees-Mogg has now decided that he needs two seats as he likes to lounge in parliament. This is not the first time that Mr Rees-Mogg has asked for more than one parliamentary seat. When he was first elected in 2010 he famously asked for two extra seats; one for his nanny so that she’d be on hand to wipe his nose and give him a drink and biscuit if he got fidgety, and one for the servant he’d nominated to go to the chamber and vote on his behalf.

The prime minister, who has so far displayed an incredible inability to be in charge of anything, removed the whip from 21 Tory MP’s who voted against him.

The decision followed a theatrical beating of the chest, and a quick check that other MP’s whose personal fortunes stand to benefit from a no deal Brexit, were in agreement. Mr Rees-Mogg, reclining in his smoking jacket, and with his slippers (made of 100% pure poor person) resting on the parliamentary bench, doffed his cap and raised his brandy to express his support, and Dominic Raab took time out from roasting a foreigner on a spit to nod his approval too.

Mr Rees-Mogg was criticised by Green MP Caroline Lucas as he reclined in parliament during last night’s emergency Brexit debate.

Ms Lucas was particularly critical of his pyjama trousers which she said, ‘look like they come from Primark’. In response Mr Rees-Mogg said he had never been so insulted to which Ms Lucas said he should spend more time listening to the public and Boris Johnson immediately announced that his top civil servants are already in discussion with the Primark authorities over a post Brexit trade deal.

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