No Jaffa Cakes!!! No Surrender!!! Arlene Foster loses it after Day 3 in Stormont Big Brother House

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
No Jaffa Cakes!!! No Surrender!!! Arlene Foster loses it after Day 3 in Stormont Big Brother House

Sinn Féin and the DUP re-entered Stormont on Monday in a devolved government, after three years of deadlock. After three days, tensions have already started to show.

Arlene Foster lost it in Stormont this morning at tea time. The incident blew up, as it were when the DUP leader asked for a cuppa. When no one presented her usual favourite biscuit (or cake if the tax man’s listening), Jaffa Cakes, along with her tea…she went ballistic. 

The Prime Minister hailed the coming together on Monday as momentous. He said, “The parties of Northern Ireland have shown great leadership in coming together to accept this fair and balanced deal in the interests of everyone in Northern Ireland.”

But the cordial atmosphere soon disappeared. One insider explained it was like the OK Corral when DUP leader Arlene Foster reacted to there being no Jaffa Cakes. She went bananas and started squealing…‘No Jaffa Cakes?! No Surrender!!!!’. Then, all the DUP got up and tried to march out singing ‘The Sash’. Sinn Féin blocked them and started a rousing version of ‘Come Out Ye Black and Tans’ as they argued and battled over who was marching down their pre-agreed route.

The loss of influence for the DUP at Westminster caused by the Conservative majority meant they have shifted focus to wield power at Stormont.

This morning there was a first power grab, they stole 73-year-old Terry the tea boy’s Chocolate Orange…

Since the collapse of the Stormont assembly and executive in January 2017, over the handling of the DUP’s renewable heat incentive scandal, restoring unity has always been fraught. 

It hit fever pitch this morning when chaos ensued as each party in the new power-sharing executive deliberately danced and marched on opposing routes. However, tempers were soon calmed, and unity restored after Terry the tea-boy who is 73, walked in with a new magical money tree.

This morning’s flare-up was laughed off by Foster as a ‘Stormont in a tea-cup, leaving experienced political commentators in Northern Ireland delighted things were back to normal after a three-year break.

They are confident Arlene Foster will use her skilled blackmailing techniques to fleece cash from Boris Johnson and make all of Northern Ireland millionaires again. She holds the key – and the incriminating photos from that Christmas Party.

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