Brexit leader for fags, real ale and no sense of irony, Nigel Farage, has taken the unprecedented step of buying a dragon and intends to torch Europe to smithereens.
“I’ll start with the gnomes of Zurich, then move on to the frog eating gimps of Paris, then give me that Stradivarius and let me fiddle while Rome burns,” quipped Farage, acting like a cross between Biggles and Lord Flasheart from Black Adder.
Farage was spotted at Daryl Dragon’s Dragon Flying School, in Milton Keynes. The school is the country’s only qualified school for lovers of dragons. It’s a much loved celeb haunt with Loose Women’s Coleen Nolan, Peter Andre, and Liverpool coach, Jurgen Klopp regularly unwinding as they fly the dragon.
His instructor Daryl Dragon, said: “He insists on constantly shouting ‘dracarys’. Thankfully the training dragon, Danny, doesn’t breathe real fire, or Farage would’ve razed half of Northamptonshire, mainly the crap parts, around Brackley, Towcester and Silverstone to the ground.”
Some of his followers, mostly from all BBC and Sky political outlets have been ordered to refer to him as Daenerys Faragayen.
Daryl continued: “To be honest, he’s a bit of a show off as he likes to smoke and drink a pint while doing the loop di loop. Our training dragon is quite an amiable beast with no badness in him, yet Nigel seems quite angry he isn’t fiery enough.”
Confidantes of the Brexit Party leader, confirmed they think his recent behaviour has gone too far and he may have lost the plot. One of the inner sanctum has phone footage of Farage demanding Jean-Claude Juncker and Donald Tusk bend the knee while squealing in a rabid despotic manner: “If you thought Notre Dame was bad wait until I get airborne.”