Neymar stripped of Brazil captaincy for supporting Lib Dems

Sport, UK Politics
Neymar stripped of Brazil captaincy for supporting Lib Dems

Neymar has been stripped of the Brazil captaincy for next month’s Copa America

after revealing he supports the Liberal Democrats.

The 27-year-old forward was given the role eight months ago but has been under pressure after recent disciplinary issues culminating in an altercation with a fan following PSG’s French Cup final defeat to Rennes.

But the Brazilian FA said they ‘draw the line at supporting the LibDems.’

In a statement Neymar said, ‘I like quinoa and craft beers, and if I thought I could grow a hipster beard I’d have one. So why not support the Lib Dems? I’ve only ever played for top clubs like Barcelona and PSG so I’m really into this whole underdog thing. And if Vince cable thinks he can put my free kick skills to good use then he just has to call.’

Mr Cable said he couldn’t see any immediate parliamentary benefit but that Neymar’s ability to dribble may make him the perfect replacement for Ken Clarke when he eventually retires.

Dani Alves will replace Neymar as captain.

Alves supports the nationalisation of public services, the abolition of the monarchy, and the installation of Comrade Jeremy as supreme leader.

Asked how he felt about his promotion Alves said, ‘The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.’

A bemused looking Gary Lineker then asked him if he was proud to be leading his country to which he replied, ‘Workers of the world unite: You have nothing to lose but your chains.’

The Copa America begins next month

and Alves plans to use his new found influence to ensure he plays on the left wing.

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