New Tory Leadership contest criteria mean you’re not qualified unless you’ve destroyed at least one planet with your Death Star

UK Politics
Conservative changes to leadership contest mean you’re now not qualified unless you've destroyed a planet with your Death Star

The Conservatives have agreed changes designed to speed up the contest to succeed Theresa May as leader.

Suggestions for the qualifying criteria range from having to submit tax returns – which no Tory MP has done… ever, all the way to disdain for the poor – but that didn’t narrow it down to anyone.

They finally settled on the criteria of only those who have blown up an entire planet using a moon built entirely for the purposes of destroying civilisations.

Suggestions that this is a war crime have been dismissed as ‘a load of tosh’ by Jacob Rees-Mogg.

The party board has agreed to proposals from the backbench 1922 Committee requiring any MP who wants to stand to be backed by eight colleagues.

That is, eight people standing behind you holding the very sharpest of knives.

It has also set thresholds for how many votes candidates will need to reach the next round of the contest.

Interesting, despite complaining about a second referendum, the Tories are happy to change the rules of their leadership contests as the contest is in progress, changing the rules to suit themselves.

It’s important to point out this is not a popularity contest. If that were the case, everyone in the Tory Party would already be a loser.

Eleven MPs are still in the race, after junior ministers James Cleverly and Kit Malthouse withdrew.

We’d feel sorry for them, if we knew who they were.

The deadline for contenders to put their names forward is the week commencing 10 June.

Darth Vader has been roundly dismissed by all Conservatives for being ‘not right-wing enough in the current climate’.

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