As the race to replace Theresa May as Conservative Party leader and PM got officially underway, the main players outlined their campaign proposals.
However, one left field pitch came from an unnamed Netflix senior executive determined to buy up the rights for ‘Tory Babylon’ a drug fuelled drama based on how much the Tories are fucking the country over Brexit and leadership squabbles and how it’s all down to ‘the drugs’.
As Penny Mordaunt and Amber Rudd announced their backing for Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt, others waited for the headline acts, Michael Gove and Boris Johnson, who is still refusing to speak publicly.
Netflix are convinced there’s a major drama to be told especially after all the coke, hash and opium. They want to bankroll the project with the coke head and master shagger in what they’re calling a Breaking Bad spin-off, Gove and Johnson will front the operation.
International Development Secretary Rory Stewart, appears to be edged out.
Don’t underestimate Rory, Netflix want him as the king maker, the ordinary man, the brains behind the huge underground meth lab in the Cobra room. He rated highly as having a drug face. In a leaked storyboard, Rory takes out the biggest money men in the cartel, the DUP and its him who cooks up the medicine in the Cobra room.
Mrs May officially stepped down as the leader last week, but will remain as PM until her successor is chosen.
The secret pitch to membership has Johnson and Gove as some Odd Couple of UK politics, Rory cooking but Netflix want Theresa May’s husband, Philip, as some crazed criminal mastermind behind the operation. Mild-mannered Philip May thinks life can’t get worse after his wife loses her job and he needs money. Philip makes a desperate bid to earn as much money by turning the Cobra room into a meth lab.
Uncharacteristically, Boris Johnson has remained out of the limelight. He used his Telegraph column to pledge to cut income tax bills for people earning more than £50,000 a year. In print, the Uxbridge MP hasn’t done an official launch but in print promised “Economic innovation will turn the UK into a clean, green powerhouse.”
Netflix loved his scheming and how he grassed up his drug mad opponents. Where’s the money coming from to go green and cut taxes? You need green to go green. Crystal meth. Crack baby.
Health Secretary Matt Hancock told his launch “we need a fresh start” while Dominic Raab unveiled plans to redirect £500m a year from aid to create an international wildlife fund.
Raab is clearly still on glue while Hancock and Hunt sound like Dignitas Clinic Salesmen.