Nearest cab firm rushes to pick up cancelled Uber contract

Business
Nearest cab firm rushes to pick up cancelled Uber contract

Uber has lost its licence to operate in London after repeated safety failures.

The nearest cab firm has rushed to pick up Uber’s cancelled private hire licence for London.

Cabracabcabra, winner of the most puns in one pun award 2019, have hailed the Uber model to usurp the global ex-private hire company at their own game.

The regulator said Uber was not fit and proper as a licence holder.

The taxi app will appeal and can continue to operate during that process.

Cabracabcabra CEO Barabus Valentine said, “We used our new app that flags up where cancelled contracts are and we send our nearest negotiator – that is someone on below-minimum wage with no legal qualifications – to negotiate a deal.

“It’s a model that has paid off on this occasion for the first time. We have been close in the past, but there were various reasons for it not working out. Such as our employee not being able to see the person who had requested the contract, so he drove off. Or the requestee not being able to hear our employee on the phone, so he drove off. Or he just likes driving around, so he drove off.

“This time however, we have finally been successful!

“Now, we just need enough recently unemployed private drivers willing to drive around London picking people up.

“I wonder where we’ll get those from?”

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