Nation’s adulterers demand clarification on whether dogging classed as essential journey

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Nation's adulterers demand clarification on whether dogging classed as essential journey

This week, the government issued new instructions about under what circumstances people can leave their houses. However, there’s still some confusion and grey areas.

Prolific sex pest John Timms said “Given who’s in Number 10, I’m quietly confident he’ll be sympathetic to my commitment to extra-marital affairs, if my mistress and I let the spark go out just because of a potentially lethal virus then what’s the point of it all?”

“That said,” a visibly irritable Timms continued “It’s been 3 days now.”

“If this keeps up, I might have to try and show my wife the very slightest of affection.”

Timms added “It’s difficult to initiate sex these days because she just makes this sighing sound and leaves the room whenever I come in.”

“I mean, we’re on lockdown so it’d raise questions if she caught Corona as a result of my relationship with Tasha…  but no harder to explain than when she got pregnant with our 3rd child 2 months after I got that secret vasectomy.”

“I’d bring it up, but she’s not mentioned the amount of times I gave her the clap.”

“It’s these little kindnesses that stop us divorcing I think.”

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