Nation celebrates as Ed Sheeran prorogues music career

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Nation celebrates as Ed Sheeran prorogues music career

Ed Sheeran has announced he will be taking a break from music for the foreseeable future.

Sheeran, if the phrase ‘Cheeky Nandos’ had a soundtrack, recently finished a 2 year tour in support of his latest album.

At the end of his last show, he announced that he will be ‘semi retiring’ for a few years.

This news has come as a massive shock to various ‘cool Aunts’ throughout the country, and owners of Plenty Of Fish dating accounts that consist entirely of the phrase ‘Live, Laugh, Love’.

Sheeran told fans he will be taking at least 18 months off, in order to spend time with his family.

Sheeran, the answer to the question, “What if Cat Stevens, but not good?” married his longtime girlfriend in 2018.

Sheeran’s announcement coincides with the current mass of Brexit protest marches, and they have now become a joint event, with marches now protesting Brexit, and also celebrating Sheeran’s retirement.
“We’re already out here,” said one protestor, “It saves us doing two separate events, so every other hour we just change what we’re marching about.”

“I’m elated,” said an unnamed young woman. “At every single wedding I’ve been this past decade, the couple has danced to ‘Thinking Out Loud’. The next time I hear that, I’m going to nailbomb the reception.”

The musician was criticised earlier this month for using grime music as a way to ‘chase clout’ and ‘look good’.

Sheeran, Paul McCartney if he wrote music for sixth form break ups, recently collaborated with UK grime artist Stormzy.

This drew criticism from other Grime artists who accused Sheeran of being a ‘culture vulture’ and hijacking the genre.

Sheeran was unavailable for comment, as he was busy getting another tattoo that makes him look like a Cartel Enforcer from Hobbiton.

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