“My precioussssssss!!!” Howls Johnson as Labour steals his snap election from the dark depths of parliament

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My precioussssssss!!! Howls Johnson as Labour steals his snap election from the dark depths of parliament

Opposition parties have agreed to reject Boris Johnson’s attempt to trigger a snap election for a second time on Monday, making it increasingly unlikely a poll will be held before 31 October.

An increasingly isolated Boris Johnson’s deranged screams could be heard throughout commons as he desperately tore apart the seats in commons searching for the votes necessary to stage a general election. It is understood his frenzied mania only paused briefly as he stopped to sniff the section Rees-Moog had lay down in.

“Still damp.” he said, approvingly.

As his mental state became more erratic, parliamentary aides confirmed that his rampage continued long into the night as he cornered a clearly uncomfortable Jo Johnson hissing “You Johnson’s friend! You always Johnson’s friend. Vote for snap ‘lection because Labour spoilin’ it!”

“Dirty little labour chicken, stole it from us!!!”

His increasingly irrational mental state had not gone unnoticed by other parties; once she’d been assured that the door was locked and secured and Johnson couldn’t get in, Plaid Cymru’s Liz Saville Roberts discussed Johnson’s desperation for backbench support.

 Saville Roberts said: “Being prime minister was one of the ticks on Boris Johnson’s megalomaniac bucket list. If he wanted to be PM, he takes the responsibilities that comes with it.”

At press time, it is understood that Saville Roberts felt a single drip of Johnson’s spittle as the unhinged Prime Minister desperately forced entry into room via an overheard air vent. He was heard begging the horrified Welsh politician “Lady MP vote for an election, me can makes you peer, Liz, me can makes all that votes for election peer.”

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