MPs to debate whether anyone knows what the hell is going on

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MPs will meet in Westminster later today to debate whether anyone knows what the hell is going on anymore.

After photos yesterday revealed images of a smiling Theresa May, a phenomenon rarer that Haley’s Comet, Boris Johnson faced his first PMQs looking shaky as a PM and not answering any Qs – a bit like Theresa May but with floppier hair and an air of arrogance.

On Tuesday night MPs defeated the government to take control of the commons on Wednesday. And on Wednesday the government faced another humiliating defeat as MPs voted to block a no deal Brexit,

casting doubt over Mr Johnson’s promise that the UK will leave the EU on 31st October and instead setting the date as either ‘sometime in the future’ or ‘never’, whichever comes first. It’s also called into whether Brexit does mean Brexit. But as Brexit seems to mean ‘a complete shambles’ then there is a strong argument that Brexit does mean Brexit but that Brexit is not the Brexit that some Brexit voters and Brexit supporting MPs meant by Brexit, but as Brexit never meant anything in the first place then the meaning of Brexit is defined by the reality of Brexit which is the complete shambles currently being made of Brexit, confirming that Brexit does indeed mean Brexit.

Despite this setback Boris maintains that he is committed to fulfilling the apparent ‘will of the people’ by seeing Brexit through, and said he’d do so by way of a general election if necessary – even though by his own admission, the will of the people is that they don’t want one. Indeed, Boris himself doesn’t want one.

Jeremy Corbyn does want a general election, but not if Boris has called for it, and preferably on the day of the Tory Supporter’s Club Annual Booze Cruise to Calais, which this year coincides with the Brexit Party’s inaugural Going to Calais and Pissing on the Beach Cruise (and picking up some bargain booze while we’re there obviously, I mean have you seen the price of decent wine in British supermarkets?).

The prime minister’s third defeat in two days came after he tabled a motion for a general election on 15th October and this was also rejected by MPs, with a senior Labour source saying Jeremy Corbyn won’t allow Boris to have an election until after 31st October.

If and when the election does take place Mr Johnson will have to find 21 new candidates after he sacked all Tory rebels who voted against him on Tuesday evening.

And last night he opened negotiations with the London Aquarium in an attempt to convince them to allow 21 amoebae to stand as Tory candidates. Brainless, spineless and parasitic, Mr Johnson has applied his usual negotiating tactic of lying and manipulating and is confident he’ll have 21 amoebae in place by next week.

MPs will open the debate this afternoon and expect it to be complete by Christmas.

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