MPs reject proposal to put their own jobs on the line

UK Politics
DWP deems British Parliament 'unfit to work'

MPs have rejected Boris Johnson’s plan for a general election on 12th December.

One MP, who asked not to be named, said ‘Why would I vote for an early general election? This is such a cushy number. It’s the first job I’ve had where not only do you get to decide whether you bother to turn up, but when you do come in you do a 5 hour day, you can have a kip on work time and frustrating the boss is actively encouraged. At Amazon they used to put electrodes on my bollocks if I was unproductive, but here you just get a fancy dinner, a hotel room and couple of prostitutes. And you can put it all on expenses. Plus if Keith Vaz is in town you can get a few lines of coke on top.’

299 MPs backed the motion for a snap poll, short of the two-thirds majority of 434 votes required for it to pass under the Fixed-term Parliaments Act.

The result means Boris Johnson has now had more parliamentary defeats than sexual partners, and experts say it shows he’s out of touch with the electorate.

BS News’ Political Expert Bob Bobson said, ‘Asking MPs to vote in favour of putting their own jobs on the line was a non-starter, especially this particular group of MPs, many of whom must know that their ineptitude will end up with them queuing outside the Job Centre the day after any election. Boris wasn’t just asking turkeys to vote for Christmas – he was asking them to shove sausage meat and chestnuts up their own arse on the way to the polling booth.’

The PM is expected to try again for an early election when he brings a short bill to parliament on Tuesday.

And Chris Grayling said he’s confident this new attempt will be successful as ‘nobody will be able to say no to a dwarf rodeo act’.

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