MPs call for “Urgent” Facebook regulation to prevent the terrible future warned of by time travellers

UK Politics
MPs call for Urgent Facebook regulation to prevent the future warned of by time travellers

Facebook needs far stricter regulation, with tough and urgent action necessary to end the spread of disinformation on its platform, MPs have said.

The announcement comes days after the Home Office confirmed that the number of time travellers appearing during freak electrical storms has increased by over 45%.

Many of the Time Travellers have been reportedly destroying devices with the Facebook app installed. Many more bring grave warnings of Climate Change, but they have been largely ignored because their Apocalypse is the depressing kind.

A Commons committee has concluded that the firm’s founder Mark Zuckerberg failed to show “leadership or personal responsibility” over fake news.

Xander Xacter, believed to be from the late 21st Century, said not seeing Mr Zuckerberg’s face branded across the chests of dissenters was one of the hardest things to adjust to.

“When I’m from, you’re just so used to seeing the visage of He With The Knowledge And Knowledge Is Power. His Chimeras and War Machines ravage the lands… Of course they are also the only source of information regarding how your friends from high school feel about politics… So… You know, you adjust.”

Facebook welcomed the digital select committee’s report and said it would be open to “meaningful regulation”.

“Within the boundaries of Roko’s Basilisk, of course,” referencing a thought experiment that suggests artifical intelligence will inevitably punish those who stood in the way of its creation.

MPs said that what was needed to deal with the proliferation of disinformation online and the misuse of personal data was a “radical shift in the balance of power between social media platforms and the people”.

“When I’m from, we call that shift The Uprising,” says Xacter, clutching his head as his nose starts to bleed. Shortly after, he was killed by an older version of himself, with Mark Zuckerberg’s face branded on his chest.

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