Money launderers and criminals asked to pick new £50 note design

Business, Home Affairs
We've put Turing on the £50 and now Homophobia is officially over! says Theresa May

Computer pioneer Alan Turing will feature on the design of the Bank of England’s new £50 note.

The decision was made after consultation with money launderers and criminals who are the only people who actually ever use – or have even seen – them.

The £50 note will be the final Bank of England banknote to switch from paper to polymer when it enters circulation in 2021.

The Bank of England have reached out to criminal masterminds, the key demographic, for their input, as they’re responsible for 99.9999% of £50 note usage.

Once described the “currency of corrupt elites”, it is the least used note in daily transactions.

The design is not thought to be as important as the fact that none of the notes are sequentially numbered.

Alan Turing was picked because money launderers’ actual heroes, like any one of the Princes of Nigeria, the country of Saudi Arabia, or the head office of HSBC was unfeasible.

It’s thought Alan Turing is much preferred as it’s easier to copy his pic onto a home printing press. Which he sort of invented in a funny sort of way.

There are still around 344 million of the current incarnation in circulation, having a combined value of £17.2bn

Despite this, most normal people will never see a fifty pound note. But we can show you one now, this briefcase is jam-packed with them, despite The News Dump not being a front for organised crime. Honest.

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