A milkshake and Nigel Farage have come into contact in Newcastle city centre
“I have never felt so humiliated and embarrassed”, claimed the milkshake, “One minute I am contemplating bringing joy to someone, as a lactose based, sweet, beverage. Next minute, I’ve got the leader of the Brexit Party dripping all over me.”
Burger King was accused of ‘endorsing violence’ after reminding customers in Scotland that it sells milkshakes.
“My day started so well”, the milkshake went onto say, “I was just starting to wonder what delicious flavouring I would be mingling with, when the next thing I knew, I was in a cup, being whisked out of the restaurant. I started to get suspicious when the customer didn’t care what flavour I was and just wanted me, and I quote, ‘…good and runny. Preferably going a bit sour.’ The cheek of it.”
Former EDL leader Tommy Robinson was hit by two milkshakes earlier this month and UKIP candidate Carl Benjamin was doused in milkshake for the fourth time on Sunday while out and about in Salisbury
“Milkshakes up and down the country are living in fear of being covered by Brexit supporting politicians and the police don’t seem to be doing anything about it.”, the milkshake, who we understand is strawberry flavoured, angrily stated. “We just get told to dial 112 and get a crime number. All I have to look forward to now, is being broken down by some dry cleaning fluid.”, a tearful milkshake cried.
Nigel Farage was quickly whisked away from the scene in a car, with pictures and video showing his dark suit covered in milk.
“Look! If I want to cover myself in a milkshake, made from the finest British dairy products, that is my choice. Every citizen has this right and it’s typical BBC and Remoaner bias that wants to take this basic right away from the Great British Public.”, proclaimed Nigel Farage from his brand new campaign Mercedes M-Class.
The European Elections take place on Thursday 23rd May
Nigel Farage then went onto to joyfully announce, “Come 24th May, people up and down this land, will be free to cover themselves in whatever British beverage they wish, even if that includes Vimto, or dare I suggest Irn Bru, for our Scottish neighbours”, he chuckled.