Militant Vegans demand NHS replace pig-heart surgery with cabbage-heart surgery

Science and Tech
Militant Vegans demand research into replacing pig-heart surgery with cabbage-heart surgery

PIG hearts could be used for human transplants within just three YEARS, according to the surgeon who performed the first op in Britain 40 years ago.

However, a Militant Vegan group has demanded that all research on pig hearts should cease, with the focus instead being on how to transfer a cabbage heart to a human being.

Sir Terence English said his protegé from the UK’s first successful heart transplant in 1979 will first try to replace a human kidney with a pig’s this year.

Which outraged the militant group even further, as there is a plentiful supply of kidney beans.

Sir Terence explained that pig organs are seen as the best hope for a successful human transplant as they are similar in size to ours.

This had extreme veganists spluttering with rage. “It only goes to show how little research this so-called expert been done into using cabbages ,” said one, “They come in loads of different sizes and some varieties are heart-shaped for heaven sake!”

Sir Terence led the team that successfully operated on a man at Papworth Hospital near Cambridge 40 years ago today.

The man went on to live for another five years following the heart operation in a sty at a nice farm in Lincolnshire. His wife was not only grateful for the extra five years she got to spend with him but that everyone agreed he’d contributed to a wonderful wake by being part of the tastiest bacon sandwiches they had ever tasted.

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