A search has been launched after an empty boat thought to have been used by migrants was found on a Kent beach.
It appears that the tiny boat, powered by a 50hp outboard motor and with a crew consisting of up to six freezing cold, malnourished asylum seekers, has successfully outmanoeuvred one of Britain’s finest warships, HMS Mersey.
HM Coastguard co-ordinated the operation when a dinghy was discovered at Dungeness at around 8am this morning.
Upon finding the empty dinghy, an officer from HM Coastguard remarked “Oh shit, this is not good. We’re already at ‘major incident’, and now it’s got even worse. What are they going to call it now?”
The boat contained six life jackets, personal possessions and a milk carton cut to be used to bail out water.
Presumably it was the milk carton that gave the dinghy a tactical edge over a 1700 tonne gunship armed with machine guns and a fifty-strong crew that had been deployed specifically to tackle the ‘migrant crisis’.
Aerial footage at Dungeness showed officials in high-visibility jackets inspecting a rigid-hulled inflatable boat on the beach and a Border Force vessel nearby, but the search team has since been ‘stood down’.
Because to be fair, anyone who can take on a powerful warship that is equipped with guns, radar, infra-red thermal imaging and air support and yet emerge victorious has probably earned the right to stay in the country. The bigger question remains, why would they want to?