Thinking man’s bellend, Michael Gove, is looking forward to having no role whatsoever in Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s first Cabinet.
Mr Gove was eliminated from the Tory leadership campaign, leaving only Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt in the race.
Mr Johnson has assured Gove there’s no hard feelings about his 2016 leadership bid where Gove pulled out of BoJo’s campaign, instead preferring to run himself at the very last minute.
Boris is happy to confirm that Mikey will have a very important role in his upcoming Cabinet… until the very last minute.
Mr Gove had taken part in the BBC debate for the race last week.
A number of viewers complained to the Beeb about it being broadcast in 3D and had to be informed that was merely an illusion caused by Michael Gove having two faces.
The horrific, cocaine-snorting ex-journalist did not say, “Of course, it may very well appear that my knifing Boris – among many, many others – in the back in 2016 is coming around to bite me in the arse I have for a face, I am in fact very much looking forward to not having any sort of significant role in Government for a while.
Ruth Davidson had given her support to Mr Gove after Sajid Javid was eliminated only hours earlier.
Ms Davidson is one of the few people whose back has not yet been introduced to Mr Gove’s knife.
Gove didn’t continue, “People think all that matters to me is becoming Prime Minister and getting to the very top in politics by any means necessary. Well that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Justice, Education and Environment Secretary roles have just been a stepping stone to the job I’ve always really craved: sitting on plastic chairs in a cold, damp church hall listening to constituents of Surrey Heath complaining about their bin collections, whilst the cleaner tuts at me because she needs to get back to pick the kids up.”
It appears having Gove as leader was just something many Tories couldn’t face.
As they wouldn’t know which of his to look at.
Gove then didn’t make his apologies, and in no way said, “Please excuse me, I have to go and explain all this to my wife. Then accept my punishment for being a very naughty boy.”
When asked for comment, Mr Johnson found it difficult to draw breath, with his laughter being heard long into the night.