Michael Gove leadership pledge to rename it ‘Crackhouse of Commons’

UK Politics
Sachet of cocaine sues Michael Gove for breaching Non-Disclosure Agreement

Tory leadership candidate Michael Gove has said he “deeply regrets” taking cocaine more than 20 years ago.

However, one of his Tory leadership pledges is to rename Parliament’s home to the ‘Crackhouse of Commons’.

Usually filled with people wandering aimlessly, unable to communicate effectively with severely impaired judgement, the House of Commons is where the country’s most important decisions are made.

He told the Daily Mail that he had taken the drug at several “social events”.

They were during the EU Referendum, during Boris’s last leadership campaign and minutes before every single decision he made that affected every child’s life during his time as Education Secretary.

The environment secretary said he believed the “mistake” should not be held against him in his bid to become prime minister.

It most likely won’t be, as all the backstabbing and being a total, total bastard are more likely to be the things that will be held against him.

Members of the party are due to vote for a new party leader after Theresa May stepped down from the role.

Well, ‘stepped down’ is a stretch. It was clearly more of a stumble down the steps.

Mr Gove is one of 11 Tories standing in the contest to replace Mrs May.

With the current amount of likeable candidates very nearly reaching single figures.

International Development Secretary Rory Stewart has already apologised for smoking opium in Iran many years ago.

The event seriously impaired his judgement and, after waking the next morning with no recollection of events, discovered he’d inadvertently joined the Conservative Party.

In 2008, Boris Johnson was asked about claims he had taken cocaine at university by a magazine.

He replied: “That was when I was 19.”

Before clarifying: “I have apologised for this. I don’t even remember her surname.”

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