The Met Office has warned that more heavy snow will batter the country this week.
The new weather warning is in place from 9am on Tuesday and will continue until we leave the EU on Theresa May’s negotiated terms.
The southeast, including greater London, will bear the brunt of the latest Arctic blast.
“There’s a simple way to avoid all this bad weather,” said Mrs. May on the Andrew Marr show, “Leave the EU on the terms I have negotiated, after which it will be sunshine and temperate weather every day with light rain overnight for the gardeners, and downpours directly above the reservoirs so we never run out of water.”
Mrs. May went on to tediously repeat the same bollocks she has consistently spouted since her ace team of fuckwits failed to secure a decent deal for the UK after two years of doing fuck all at the taxpayers’ expense.
“The terms I have negotiated with the EU mean we honour the referendum result and leave the EU with a deal that protects jobs, the security of the country, and guarantees sunny weather,” boasted the turtle necked pig-headed old crow, “If MPs don’t vote for my deal then stock up on thermal undies or you’ll freeze your ‘nips’ off.”
Jacob Rees Mogg responded to May’s threat by saying, “I for one am not in the least concerned about the terrible weather forecast. Under WTO terms the big freeze should only last for fifty years. If the British people can’t ride it out by buying sacks of coal using the profit from their hedge funds, or their inheritances, then we’re no longer the nation of our great ancestors. I for one will weather the storm tucked up nice and cosy in my castle, with my servants stoking the boiler and my nice wine cellar.”