Recent footage of several world leaders apparently laughing at Donald Trump caused the US president to cancel several speaking engagements at the recent NATO summit.
Fortunately, as the White House now has more leaks than a urology surgery for pensioners, the News Dump was given exclusive access to WhatsApp correspondence between the aggrieved Trump and his shadowy puppet master Vladimir Putin.
Trump: Fuming, barely had time to finish my covfefe, they don’t do great covfefe at Nato. Sad.
Putin: Don’t get me started on Nato.
Trump: I tell you, if another 100,000 people or so start booing me in a public place, just one more time…
Putin: What does Melania say?
Trump: She says my hands are weird and wondered what I ask for at the hairdresser, then she just pointed at my crotch, muttered something in slovak and just started laughing until I left the room.
Putin: Is that because of all the…
Trump: Yeah, it’s bigly because of all the affairs. If could give you one piece of advice, best advice, the best, don’t get recorded saying you regularly commit sexual assault. Total mood killer, everybody agrees.
Trump: Oh, BRB – just got to turn off the lights, Barron is crying and I don’t want him to know I’m home…
Trump: You still there?
Trump: Message back!
It’s understood Trump plans to form his own NATO (the No Asshole Trudeau organisation); membership criteria is unclear aside from “No losers.” Under advice from Whitehouse aides he dropped his original “No browns” stipulation.