McDonald’s paper straws cannot be recycled, says new CEO Chris Grayling.

McDonald’s new paper straws – described as ‘eco-friendly’ by the US fast food giant – cannot be recycled.

Recently sacked Minister of The Apocalypse, Chris Grayling, who had been consulting for McDonald’s for the last year, while Jacob Rees-Moggs investment company shorted the stock, has been made CEO. Chris explained, ‘I had been working on inventing a non-recyclable paper straw in my garage for months. They said it couldn’t be done – but I’ve proved them all wrong.’

Last year McDonald’s axed plastic straws, even though they were recyclable, in all its UK branches as part of a green drive.

With the straw situation sorted and with a no deal Brexit around the corner, Chris went to work on a new signature burger for the UK market, that will take advantage of  an ever increasing protein source. ‘The Big Rat,’ will replace ‘The Big Mac,’ and will be 100% Rat meat,’ boasted Grayling.

But The US fast food giant says the new paper straws are not yet easy to recycle and should be put into general waste.

Grayling added, ‘To offset that, I have come up with a new paper napkin that reduces waste by 50%. It is similar to the cheap wax toilet roll sheets you find in parks etc. Our test results showed most customers rejected the napkin altogether, in favour of wiping their hands and mouth on their own clothes.

At  the time of writing, McDonald’s share price remains at a five year low.