A reivew of university tuition fees that is part of Theresa May’s legacy planning will recommend a large cut, from £9,250 a year to £7,500.
The hope is that if more young people have access to higher education, then hopefully that education will trickle down into government. “Obviously this latest selection of MPs in the cabinet have been an absolute disaster,” said a spokesman for Mrs. May. “Unable to make a decision, unable to understand the issues at hand, unable to even turn up on time!” If tuition fees are cut, the projection is that the average IQ of a cabinet minister may rise by as much at 15% over the next 5 years.
The review is also expected to argue for better funding for vocational training and wider access to student finance.
If more potential MPs get vocational training, then in theory they would be better equipped to deal with the tasks involved in the job – for example, getting to work on time, organizing finances, and communicating with other human beings. “Our current MPs are woefully inept when it comes to dealing with these day to day issues,” confessed an aide. “Some of them just hide in corners until we convince them to come out. It’s amazing that we get as many of them to meetings as we do.”
Debates about trade-offs between the level of funding and rising numbers of students will likely continue into the autumn.
Mrs. May will not get a decision on this legacy plan while she is still Prime Minister, with many rivals calling for less access to education, not more. A spokesman for Boris Johnson said, “We don’t want people understanding what the issues are! Look what happens when they do – we get sued. It’s much better to keep everyone as uneducated and sheep-like as possible. That’s what Mr. Johnson proposes if he becomes the next Prime Minister.”